Cliché
by Kasumi2
Summary: A funny, (not very) subtle bashing of the overly clichéd plot elements in some GW fanfics. Mild sexual content, light cussing, non-yaoi, but with yaoi mentioned. Please feel free to review this. ^.^
1. MISSION 01: Narrators, sock monkies, sel...

Cliché  
MISSION 01: Narrators, sock monkies, self-insertions, and yaoi!  
  
Author's Note - Errr... I think I FINALLY figured this out! Third time I've uploaded this chapter. o.o  
--  
  
"Today was not a good day."  
  
"It was cloudy. Birds weren't singing"  
  
*THWACK!*  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Our story, however, is not centered on Earth, so the previous things are just one of those freaky coincidences. Anyways, our story is centered around space. And today, space seemed a lot darker than usual."  
  
"Or maybe that's just because Peacemillion has tinted windows?"  
  
*BONK!*  
  
"NOOOOO! Not the pocky, anything but that! ,,, FINE! I'll shutup."  
  
"Ahem, in fact, today was such a bad day, the gods themselves refused to come out of their, uh... godly estate-housie thingies."  
  
"Very professionally put, A-ko."  
  
"Thank you, B-ko."  
  
"And the gods were filled with such fear..."  
  
"...for Heero Yuy had discovered the world of yaoi fanfiction."  
  
"And he became emotionally disturbed..."  
  
"...not that he wasn't already..."  
  
"B-KO! I'm warning you!"  
  
"Alright, sorry, again."  
  
"He became emotionally disturbed to the point-"  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"  
  
"What the hell?! B-ko?"  
  
"Yeeeeees?"  
  
"Did you microwave the cat again?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I think you're lying."  
  
"Well, it wasn't a cat, but it was still really cool! I mean, it just-"  
  
"Please, B-ko, I don't wanna know."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
...silence...  
  
"B-ko?"  
  
"Yeeeeees?"  
  
"If that wasn't the cat, what was-"  
  
Suddenly, the door slid open. Noin looked in the room and suddenly, got a very confused, then a very pissed look on her face. One couldn't blame her, though. I mean, wouldn't you be if you suddenly walked into your room and found two teenage girls, approximately 319 boxes of pocky, a sock monkey, spotlights, and a video camera? "What the hell? These are my quarters! You're not authorized to be in here! Are you a part of the maintenance staff?"  
  
"Oh my..." sighed A-ko. "B-ko, you tell her."  
  
"Noin my dear, I'm afraid that you've been fanficced," B-ko stated solemnly.  
  
"No... PLEASE GOD, NOOOOOO!" Noin screeched as she ran out the door.  
  
"At least it's not a self-insertion!" B-ko yelled out the doorway.  
  
*THWAP!*  
  
"Really, B-ko, you're gonna start giving the author ideas! And by the way, where did that sock monkey come from?"  
  
The sock monkey sat thinking sock monkey thoughts.  
  
"It must be a figment of the author's imagination. Begone, foul figment!"  
  
The sock monkey silently imploded.  
  
"Whoa, that was kinda freaky..."  
  
"It would've been cooler if I would've nuked--"  
  
A familiar spandex-short clad figure stood in the doorway holding a gun.   
  
"Omae wo korusu!" cried B-ko, pointing a finger-gun back at Heero.  
  
Heero looked utterly dumbfounded. His eyes started darting from side to side, a terrified look on his face. He then collapsed into a crying heap on the floor.  
  
B-ko was also on the floor, but it was for an entirely different reason. She was laughing so hard that she couldn't stand up. "I stole the main character's line! I be l33t! w00t!"  
  
All the way across Peacemillion, Duo's l33t h4x0r 53n53 0f h33r1n6 picked up a signal. "d00dz! Stop the game!"  
  
"But why, Duo? I find Candy Land incredibly stimulating," Trowa replied, glancing at Quatre, who nodded.  
  
Several snickers were heard from inside a nearby closet.  
  
"That's MENTALLY stimulating. Now stop spying on us, or I'll impale ya with my Bang 'o Doom!"BR  
  
The closet immediately fell silent.   
  
"Damn yaoi authors..." mumbled Wufei.   
  
Duo blinked, and then thought for a moment. "Waitaminute... Yaoi?! OH CRAP!"  
  
"What is it, Duo?" Quatre questioned.  
  
"I was checkin' some yaoi webpage to see who I was randomly paired up with this week, and I think I left it on..."  
  
Panicked looks were exchanged between the four boys.  
  
Quatre opened his mouth first. "That means...  
  
"HEERO!" they all exclaimed at once.  
  
---  
  
Duh duh duhhhh... Yes, this has to be the sloppiest thing I've ever written, but that's part of its charm, doncha think? J FYI, I have nothing against yaoi or yaoi authors, but I just believe that the G-boys are all straight. This fic is and is going to be a mockery of every GW fic out there. To be continued, of course.  
  
  
  
  



	2. MISSION 02: More fun with self-insertion...

Cliché  
MISSION 02: More fun with self-insertions!  
  
Somewhere deep in space, a lone soul drifted about aimlessly. She had felt emotion, nothing mattered to her except The Mission. She was, for lack of a better term, the Perfect Soldier. Not only that, but she, conveniently, was drop-dead gorgeous, a pro athlete, a master chef, a musical genius, and a computer hacker. Adding to that extensive resumé, she also possessed great people skills, was Heero Yuy's long lost sister, and was the lover of all the other Gundam pilots, even though she'd never met them before. Her name: Mary Sue Yuy.  
  
---  
  
A-ko and B-ko had no idea what was going on. One minute, Heero Yuy was a crying heap on the floor, and now he was shifting between having uncontrollable spasms and doing the Macarena.   
"It's… it's…!" Heero gasped, starting to regain control of himself.  
  
"C'mon boy, you can tell us…" B-ko tempted him with some pocky.  
  
"…!"  
  
"What?! Little Timmy fell into a black hole?! Take us to 'im, boy!"   
  
"No, no, no!" A-ko corrected. "He speaking in punctuationese."  
  
B-ko, once again, was confused. "What kind of language is that?"  
  
"It's the language spoken by all silent video game and anime protagonists. Now, lemme see if I can translate. Hrm…"  
  
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick…  
  
A-ko suddenly looked very frightened and screamed, "HOLY CRAP!"   
  
"What is it, A-ko?"  
  
"The author is doing a SELF-INSERTION!"  
  
The two girls' screams of horror echoed throughout Peacemillion.  
  
".," agreed Heero.  
  
---  
  
Elsewhere on the ship, the rest of the G-boys were frantically searching for Heero.   
  
"He's not in his quarters!" called Trowa.  
  
Wufei answered, "He's not in the mess hall, either!"  
  
"I checked the women's showers thoroughly, and believe me, Heero was not in there. But, man, you guys sure missed out!"  
  
Everyone gave Duo the look of doom, except for Quatre, who had turned bright red and started choking on his own saliva. His facial color quickly changed from red to blue. Then he collapsed.  
  
This caused Trowa to become even more aggravated at the braided one. "Duo, I think you killed Quatre," Trowa stated, in his most monotone/angry voice.   
  
"I think he's faking it," said Wufei. "What's the big deal about a few silly onnas?"  
  
Duo grinned. "Silly, naked, onnas."  
  
"Screw Heero!" the three boys thought, as they looked at each other, smirked, and headed off in the direction of the women's showers, leaving poor Quatre to die.  
  
---  
Unbeknowest to the passengers and crew of Peacemillion, Mary Sue and her mobile suit had snuck aboard. She silently wandered the twisting passages of the ship, exploring her new surroundings. Turning the corner, she found a handsome blond-haired boy passed out on the floor. Using her mad medical skillz, she soon revived him.  
  
"Who… are you?" questioned Quatre, as he opened his eyes.  
  
"My name is Mary Sue Yuy. I have come to assist you pilots, and my brother, in kicking some major ass. I am a pro athlete, master chef, college graduate, expert computer hacker, certified babysitter, veterinarian, doctor, dentist, aerobics instructor, flight attendant, trash collector, newspaper delivery girl, carpenter, gardener, interior designer, dancer, bartender, substitute teacher, and, if you don't mind me saying, drop-dead gorgeous!"  
  
With every word Mary Sue spoke, Quatre's eyes became larger and larger. Mary Sue patted him on the back.  
  
"Yes, I know, it's really hard to take in all at once, isn't it, honey?"  
  
Quatre looked horrified.  
  
"And yes, I am also your lover."  
  
With that, Quatre ran away screaming, in search of the other G-boys.  
  
---  
  
A-ko, B-ko, and Heero, meanwhile, had donned their Australian safari gear, complete with authentic accents.   
  
"Crikey, I can smell'er! She's definitely been through here, eh."   
  
B-ko nodded. She fell into step behind A-ko, searching for the elusive self-insertion "That's odd," she thought to herself. B-ko leaned forward and whispered to A-ko and Heero. "It seems like someone is following us.  
  
The three quickly spun around to come face to face with none other than Mary Sue Yuy herself. "Brother!" she screeched, running to embrace him. "I've finally found you!"  
  
"Bloody 'ell! It seems that we've found the creature in an unpleasant mood," A-ko stated into her tape recorder. "Heero, be careful, mate."  
  
Heero struggled not to regurgitate his last three meals as the monster suffocated him. She started babbling on and on… and on… and on… Then she looked at him and said, "Heero, don't you remember me? I'm your long lost sister Mary Sue!"  
  
"I never had a sister."  
  
"You do now, the author wrote herself into the plot. You were hit by a truck at age four and got amnesia. I never got to see you again after the accident, because social services took you away."  
  
Heero groaned, and A-ko and B-ko both sighed.   
  
"Oh well, we've heard worse…" A-ko shrugged.  
  
Heero suddenly remembered something, and whispered to A-ko and B-ko. They both got huge grins on their faces and nodded.  
  
"Hey Mary Sue?" asked B-ko. "You wanna come with us? When we get where we're going, you can show us all the skills you have that make you the best Gundam pilot.  
  
Mary Sue cheerfully agreed. "Oh, okay! But… how did you know I'm pilot of Gundam 06, the strongest mobile suit ever made? It was my top secret mission!"  
  
A-ko shrugged again. "Lucky guess."  
  
The strange group eventually made its way to their destination: right outside Storage Bay 4. "Sooo… Why did we come down here, of all places?" asked Mary Sue.   
  
A-ko and B-ko looked at Heero, who grabbed Mary Sue by the arm, opened the door, and threw the pitiful self-insertion inside. After making sure that the 15 security locks on the door were armed, Heero led the way to the main level of the ship.  
  
"Heero?" questioned A-ko.  
  
"…"  
  
"What are you gonna do with her Gundam?  
  
"Where do you think all of our spare parts come from?"  
  
"Oh, I see! So she's not the first self-insertion you guys have had, then?"  
  
Heero stared A-ko straight in the eye and said, "Hell no!"  
  
(Author's note – And it certainly won't be your last! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!)  
  
Heero scowled. "Shit. Ominous laughter. That can only mean one thing…"  
  
"IT'S THE AUTHOR!"  
  
(Author's note – That's me!)BR  
  
There's more on the way!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
